TOPIC: Tired
GO!
This last year has worn hard on the body and even harder on the soul.
It wasn't until yesterday that I remembered where we were a year ago. We were sitting in our little Liberian dwelling about to eat dinner, rice and beans I'm certain. The reports had been coming all day that there was unrest with our neighbors to the east. One year later, 3,000 + Ivorians dead, 100,000 + displaced and a former president on trial for war crimes we look back and shake our heads weary. We stepped out of our world and into another world altogether. Nothing about it was expected and predictable- this year has sent our heads spinning. Refugees on our doorstep, the unexpectedness of it all wringing us dry to the bone physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Then a baby growing unexpected, but much wanted and loved. Somehow, growing amidst the stress of a crisis. We wing our way back home. Find a new job, a new house, a new church and wait for this little one's arrival. The newness of it all wearing our edges thin. We are tired and my heart wells, and wails because I just want to stop this ride and get off some times. I just want to rewind back a few months. I want it all to slow down, but I fear at times that if it does that it will fall too hard on this heart of mine. The fierce speed of life has wearied me.
I'm tired and so I find solace in this season. This season that brings a mother to mind who must have been 100 times more tired than myself-riding a donkey with bulging belly. Her own head swirling and whirling from a God sized dream in her womb and a refugee crisis of her own. What joy and wonder God can bring to our tired. I'm searching desperate just to find a speck of that- a light, His light in my dark and tired soul.
STOP!
I pray that God will give you rest - emotionally and physically.
ReplyDeleteI really identified more with Mary the years closer to my pregnancies. It's a wonderful thing!
Hello Jessica
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful piece.. so transparent and heart wrenching. I have always considered myself blessed to be pregnant at this time of year.. two of my children were born in the early part of the year.. the second in January, just a scant 2 1/2 weeks after Christmas. It certainly helps to put Mary's experience into better perspective.
I pray that you find the solace you seek and that His light shines brightly in your soul this Christmas. May your pregnancy be blessed and your little babe safely brought into the world. Your life is about to change and nothing will look the same again... your precious babe will bring you joy and comfort like no other but God can.
God bless and have a wonderful weekend.
Great words Jessica! Thanks for being so transparent and raw.
ReplyDeleteCounting our blessings has a way of flipping our viewpoint doesn't it!
Blessings
~Robin
Jendi, thank so much for stopping by and offering words of encouragement.
ReplyDeleteLisa Maria, this was such a sweet encouragement to me. I'm actually due Christmas Eve! I can see God's hand in this crazy ride- I look forward to holding this little unexpected blessing and seeing God bring so many things full circle. Heaps of blessings.
ReplyDeleteI'm finding it hard these days to be anything, but transparent. God has blessed in huge ways and it is through the those blessings that I can wipe weary eyes and keep moving forward. Thanks for being so encouraging and coming by to read my little scribbles.
ReplyDeleteAwww honey, I can't imagine going through all the changes you have over the last year! And then to be expecting your first little one too.... no wonder you're worn down! ((hugs)) You're gonna be such a wonderful mama though:)
ReplyDeleteDiane, thanks for coming by and leaving your words as a means of grace. It encouraged this new mama heart more than you know.
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